Well, I've had enough

Hi there,

I have had enough.

I am formally done with drama, although it tends to hang around like a spiderweb, and I am very very wearied by how things have gone.

My privacy for the most part is publicly known by the people I'm around. I'm quite the fumbling idiot when it comes down to it, but unfortunately I have some itty-bitty sense of right and wrong.

I cannot continue to publish my blog for the public.

I have changed it to private.

Also it saddens me that my parents cannot respect my privacy and kindly ^&*% up everything when they even THINK something is threatening to them. My dad has been reading my blog along with my mom ever since I started blogging. I learned this from my older sister when her relationship was starting to have pressure put on it by my posting of information about her life decisions which didn't include our parents. They now believe that I am trying to undermine their relationship with her as well as everyone else's in the family. Well, they are nuts.

Dad, if you are reading this, you are a pitiful old man who cannot help but STALK his children.
Out of necessity for my sanity I kindly ask that you stay away from me, and my life, my family, and my decisions. You gave up a right to having a say in my life when you disowned me. Also, leave me be.
I'm tired of having nightmares of you, I'm saddened by what you are choosing to do with your life, and I'm grieving for how you treat your family.

Telling this to your face would do one of a few things: throw you into a fit of defensive rage, or make you say hateful things about me, tear me apart because I tell the truth, etc.

I'm quite sad about all of this.

I am also quite sad that I cannot see my siblings for the holidays. I cannot because that is a danger to them as well as to me. I cannot say things that will not offend anyone, and I cannot help but be offensive by nature, simply because I exist as your scapegoat.

Am I victimizing myself?

I don't think so.

I have the beginning of a happy life. A life lived with hope and joy. Joy isn't always happiness, it's knowing that God has a plan and that his plan is the best for me.
I know is that I have found someone who loves me, someone who has loved me since before I was born, and people who I am gradually learning how to love.

I do not want to live in fear.

I do not HAVE to live in fear.

I have a choice of how to live.

I choose to live joyfully.